Knowing, but not knowing…

You’ve probably read my first blog, which introduced you to the new series I’ll be writing every week- 'The Inner Game of the Pregnancy Brain'. If you missed the first post “Dealing with the other Debbie” you can pop back to it here.

 

Let’s start right back at the beginning! Have you ever heard of the famous Benjamin Franklin quote, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail”? As a Coach, I understand and recognise the importance of setting goals, in fact, if you’re looking for a little inspiration you can check out my previous series of blogs where I provide some very useful goal setting tips (click here). So, this year I decided that I would be participating in the “Best Year Yet” programme, as a part of this I started to think about one year on from today! What’s it going to look like for me? What will I have achieved? How will I feel when I get there? Just as a side note before I tell you about my own plans for the year, for those who want to join the BYY programme you can contact me at debbie@dbcoachingandconsultancy.co.uk. I’m delivering this product for my clients already so I’d be happy to help you get your year into tip top shape!

 

Now back to my story… The BBY Programme got me thinking, what is the one thing at the top of my list for my best year yet?

 

“Being at least 6 months pregnant with our first child”.

 

So, as I do (jumping straight in) I got to work on my plan immediately and had it completed in March of this year. It included everything you would expect any project to include; tasks, lists and timelines. I put on my project manager hat and worked out exactly when I would need to get pregnant to achieve my goal. Now, I’m not saying that we are one of those ‘getting pregnant’ obsessed couples, but I put the work in and planned! Because, as I see it, Franklin makes a pretty good point and I wasn’t prepared to get to the end of my Best Year Yet without achieving my top goal! Tom and I had the obvious ‘ let’s get pregnant’ conversation and I started doing the maths! I reviewed calendars, researched and rather annoyingly discovered that all the planning in the world suggests that there are only six days every month when you can actually get pregnant! Yes, six! Just six little days- who knew? Not me, obviously! Especially since we were taught in school that we can get pregnant just by looking at a boy.

 

Fast forward to my one terrible night! I didn’t sleep at all and for those of you who don’t know, sleep is very important to me and I love it! Nothing interrupts my sleep, ironically enough I sleep like a baby (usually). Getting up that morning, I knew something was different… I hoped and sort of knew what it was but I couldn’t be sure from a few signs and a bad night’s sleep, could I? After all, I’m not a psychic! My emotions were running high… all over the place to be quite honest. I was excited- I knew, but didn’t. Let's say I suspected I was pregnant! I feared disappointment incase I was wrong, even though I knew I couldn’t really be that wrong, it was really playing on my mind. I didn’t want us to be the ‘super obsessive getting pregnant type couple’ so I was even trying to convince myself that I wouldn’t be disappointed if I was wrong! It was a very strange morning indeed.

 

So fast forward a tad further and I take the ‘early pregnancy’ test, its positive!

“Yippee? A small yippee? Can I at least give myself a little clap?”

But you can’t can you? I really couldn’t quite believe the test, after all, it was just an ‘early’ test. Thoughts were running crazily through my mind…

“Is this true?”

“Did I get the maths right?”

“Should I take another to be sure?" Yes, let’s do that! I took another three tests to be extra extra sure. They didn’t help! Same result.

 

Deep down, I knew I was pregnant… but could I be wrong? Maybe? Could the test be wrong? Maybe? I decided to take the appropriate steps in checking, of course, a medical professional would 100% be able to confirm it.

I called up the doctor’s surgery to book in for an appointment. On being asked by the receptionist what the problem was my response was;

“I’m pregnant!”- damn, I thought to myself, the first person I’m telling is a faceless voice on the phone?! Anyway, must continue… in a very nonchalant way the receptionist continued; “Just come in and collect a midwife pack”.

“Oh!” I exclaimed, “and doesn’t the GP need to confirm it?”. To my surprise, the response came back “No not at all, if you’ve taken a home pregnancy test that’s all you need!”.

 

Right then… so a medical professional won’t be confirming it for me I thought as I hung up the phone feeling quite disappointed and not reassured at all. Of course, at this point Preggie Debbie stepped in - she has the perfect timing!

“Did I read all four test results correct?” Yes there were four! “Was my maths right?” Please let it be right, but not in a super obsessive sort of way.

“Why can’t I just have a straight answer today?” It would really help and then I can get back to planning!

“Am I really going to be stuck with this feeling of knowing but not really knowing and for how long?”

 

There I was, knowing but not knowing… wishing, hoping, trying not to be disappointed or obsessive and basically stuck in this moment in time where no-one (not even me) could really be sure about what the future holds.

 

It took a great deal of effort but I managed to calm myself (and Preggie Debbie), I told myself they’d be an appointment in a few weeks with a midwife, a blood and urine test – of course this is for checking you’re pregnant! All will be absolutely fine Debbie. Little did I know that it wasn’t the case, and only at the 12-week scan your pregnancy is confirmed. Ok, I thought… I’ll just have to withstand the pressure until that time.

 

The story turns out well, let’s just say that by the time this blog is uploaded the 12-week scan does in fact confirm I’m pregnant (the 24-hour nausea and fatigue were a big giveaway)! A big ‘yippee’ for us and, the huge takeaway- I’ll be able to achieve my Best Year Yet goal which is very exciting on so many levels. In fact, the baby will already be here by March 2018 so goal fully achieved thank you very much! We even joked that the baby might make his or her appearance at 00:01 on the 1st January 2018 as I’ve been so clear on wanting to have a baby in 2018! I’m keeping my legs crossed if it’s any sooner.

 

I’d love to hear how you felt when you found out you were pregnant! How did you cope with the ‘knowing, but not knowing’ situation? Get in touch debbie@dbcoachingandconsultancy.co.uk or find me on social media: Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn.