“Just because something is traditional its no reason to do it”

I’m very much a traditionalist and what I’ve always wanted is marriage before children and men to do the proposing!


Tom and I have always discussed getting married and starting a family together, we’re one of those couples who have made sure we want the same things out of life! We’re usually (not always) on the same page and when we find ourselves at a crossroad we’re very good at getting back on track. I have a great exercise for parents-to-be to help you get on the same page- read on, it’s included the end of this blog.


Back to my blog post now… You might remember that I told you about my ‘Best Year Yet’ goals in a previous blog, you can read that post again here. Whilst having a baby featured in my goals for the year, I also really wanted to get married. The problem (or challenge as I call it) is, that this goal is completely out of my control.


One day late last year, it dawned on me that in order to achieve my baby and marriage goals in the order I wanted them, there would be only a small window of opportunity where Tom could propose! Of course, I’m not a control freak so I would never force him to make this decision so I decided that I needed to let something go and prioritise which goal I wanted more - on this occasion, it was children before marriage!


In a perfect world, I would have loved a traditional scenario… getting married and announcing our 3-month pregnancy at the wedding reception. It sounded great, my family and close friends would be so happy for us. But, things change and for one reason or another it’s just not meant to happen in the way we (more I) planned. As Lemony Snicket said “Just because something is traditional its no reason to do it, of course”!


I was content with my decision, but unfortunately Preggie Debbie had other plans for me, negative thoughts started to consume my mind and she constantly reminded me of my traditions! In my mind, Preggie Debbie was adamant that marriage should come before children, but given my experience the last 3-months who would want to feel exhausted, nauseous and pretty frumpy on their wedding day? Not me, thanks!


Admittedly though, Preggie Debbie did have a point that I was abandoning my traditions, but on this occasion I had decided to change them and create a wonderful new vision of what my dream wedding would look like! I’d love to get married with our own little baby as THE cutest bridesmaid or pageboy, and I think that’s a far better picture that even Preggie Debbie can’t argue with! Yes, I’ve always dreamed of my big day planning out a little differently, yes I would probably have a child-free wedding, but things change and it’s important to go with it and create new dreams for something even better than you’d initially hoped for.


I’d love to hear from you! What traditions have you sacrificed to prioritise your pregnancy? Do you believe in keeping traditions or is it Ok to try something new for a change? Get in touch via email,  debbie@dbcoachingandconsultancy.co.uk or on social media: TwitterFacebookLinkedIn.


Parents-to-be Exercise: For those of you going through the pregnancy journey now or already at the early parenting stage I have a wonderful coaching tool, which I have practiced on Tom and myself! It’s wonderful for getting you both on the same page and makes a fantastic reference tool for the future.

  • Take a piece of paper each (one for yourself and one for you partner)
  • Work independently and then share your answers
  • On the right-hand side draw a big stick man and on the left, a small stick man
  • Around the small stick man, write down all the words that you would like others to describe your child as in the future. For example; well mannered, kind, self-aware
  • Then, around the big stick man, write down all the words that describe the parent you would like to be. For example; fair, fun, in the moment
  • Now compare your answers!