It’s all hush hush

I’d always thought that Tom and I would be the sort of couple who would wait until the infamous 12-week scan before sharing our pregnancy news with friends and family. As you probably read in my earlier post, I’m quite the traditionalist although, I did happily sacrifice one particular tradition on this occasion.


Anyway, I can honestly tell you that the 12 weeks leading up to it were the longest I have ever known! Have you ever counted down a holiday or special event? It’s not terrible even when you’re being impatient! These 12 weeks, however, were particularly strenuous for me, made worse by nausea and tiredness it was a psychological battle with time. I realized just under halfway through that I am completely envious of ladies who miss their time of the month (or two) before even contemplating taking a pregnancy test! This would have definitely taken off a good few weeks of waiting for the 12-week mark to confirm if what you know is actually true. Catch up on my previous blog about knowing but not knowing here.


It got me thinking one evening as I was reading through some pregnancy articles, probably around the 6-week point, of who came up with this 12-week scan tradition? I guess that it boils down to a tradition of avoidance! Although not a nice thought – pregnant women are at the highest risk of a miscarriage during the first trimester, so whilst you might want to start telling everyone your news it could perhaps end with a lot of upset and difficult conversations. So, I completely understand why most women prefer to wait until the 12-week scan! But, there was just one problem - I was lonely! In fact, I was pretty much the queen of this very lonely place that only I and Preggie Debbie inhabited! I felt that I was lying to my friends when they asked me how I was and I started avoiding their contact in case they noticed how terrible I felt (and looked). To pregnant women before you've had your 12-week scan - I sympathise, really, I do (read more here)!


We decided, for purely our (my) own selfish reasons that we would tell a few close family and friends at the 6-8 week mark of the pregnancy. After all, these are the people who would support me should the worst should happen! All of a sudden I wasn’t lonely anymore, I had my friends (and social life) back – they came over if I didn’t feel like going out, we had dinner and they ordered for me because they knew that just the thought of food would leave me disinterested, even though I really did want to eat (just to add, I love food)! But nagging Preggie Debbie stepped in to ruin things with a not-so-delightful surprise! I started to doubt friends and their support when some of them didn’t respond to my news.


In my NLP training, we were taught that there are two types of people, the ‘at cause’ and the ‘at effect’. I’m a very ‘at cause’ person, which means that I live my life completely responsible for creating what happens to me. But, for a brief moment, Preggie Debbie had turned me into ‘at effect’! I felt as if I was helpless, I was a victim of this terrible situation where my friends didn’t respond and I questioned our closeness and friendships. More importantly, Preggie Debbie reminded me that in this situation there was nothing I could do about it!


I gave myself (Preggie Debbie mostly) a good shake up! There was one way to get back to ‘at cause’ and it was taking back control of my own mindset! I realized that everyone has a life, things to do and they are busy. Just because I announced my pregnancy that doesn’t mean they should or will stop what they are doing to respond. If I wanted to see someone, I should just message them. It doesn’t make them any less of a close friend because they didn’t respond immediately.


My question to you... are you feeling like the victim of your own life right now? Take control and change your mindset. I run Best Year Yet programmes where you learn to shift limiting beliefs to think of yourself as successful, capable and worthy. Get in touch via email,  debbie@dbcoachingandconsultancy.co.uk or on social media: TwitterFacebookLinkedIn.